


This Bright Winter

by Matrya



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, F/F, Resurrection, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 11:53:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4018732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matrya/pseuds/Matrya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They had three week together before Allison had to go work...work somewhere. She couldn't remember, she just wished that Lydia would spend less time working at the university and more time at home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Bright Winter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tuffbeifong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuffbeifong/gifts).



> This is for tumblr user [starwqrs](starwqrs.tumblr.com), based on their entry for [the Allydia reverse bang](allydiareversebang.tumblr.com). See the beautiful graphic that inspired the story here.

Lydia would like to think she was better than stealing blankets. The only thing that kept it from being true was that Allison, without fail, would glare and grumble while she tugged the blanket back for herself. She would crowd under and cuddle into Lydia's space until they pressed together at every point and the blanket was bunched around their feet and over their heads.

Allison stopped pretending to be back to sleeping and cracked an eye open. "I know what you're doing."

"I have absolutely no idea what you mean," Lydia countered with nonchalance, ducking her head against Allison's shoulder. "I try to lie here, sleeping and trying to keep warm and you have to come and say I'm 'doing' something. Like I don't have better things to do than whatever you think I'm doing."

"So you're definitely not trying to keep me from getting out of bed?"

"Definitely," Lydia confirmed. "What do I care if you want to get out of our soft, warm bed and leave me?" She brought a hand out and started to run it along Allison's thigh. "In fact, you probably should. You probably have important things to do and don't have time to cuddle under the blankets with me."

Allison, defiant as ever and grabbing Lydia's hand to still it, laughed. "I really do. Incredibly _important_ things that I have to do. Outside of bed, no matter what you might do to convince me that I should stay here."

Pressing a leg between Allison's, Lydia turned her hand over to grab her girlfriend's. "Who's trying to convince anyone? I think you're arguing too much; are you sure _you're_ not the one trying to keep you in bed?" She pulled back, just enough that she could raise an eyebrow. "I think you're projecting."

"You took the bare minimum of Psych," Allison groused, pulling her hand away only to wrap her arm around Lydia's waist. "Besides, how much convincing do you really think I take?"

A smile spreading across her face, Lydia kissed her girlfriend. "How much time do we have?"

Rolling from her side and onto a knee, Allison managed to position herself over Lydia without losing the covers that were holding in their combined heat. "I have a meeting, but we have time."

"How much time?" Lydia demanded, looking at her with bright eyes and a sharp countenance. She could be so focused about such things.

Allison smiled but it faltered. She had a meeting for…something. It would come back to her, she just had to take care of the Lydia distraction, she thought. She leaned forward for a kiss before shrugging. "Enough."

 

* * *

 

 

Each of them travelled for work more often than not. Lydia spent most of her time between conferences and visiting lecturing; Allison went wherever her work sent her, with a camera and a kiss goodbye.

So, being in the apartment for three weeks at the same time was something, and they were more than happy to take advantage. Meetings that had to happen did, but Lydia kept Allison in bed as much as she could, and Allison was ready and willing to let her.

On the second Wednesday, though, of hiding under the sheets and letting coffee get cold, Allison threw back the sheets and pulled Lydia up from between her legs. Lydia paused to kiss the scar on the way, but went with Allison's pull and gave no resistance. "We have people," she pointed out. "People we should see, even though I don't actually care about seeing anyone except you."

Resting with a forearm on either side of Allison's head, Lydia nodded her acquiescence. "That's true, but I would still rather stay here. With you." She touched noses and kissed Allison, lightning fast, shaking her head a little when Allison pushed fingers into her red hair. "Preferably naked."

"We've been naked for over a week." Withdrawing her fingers, Allison grinned as Lydia's hair closed around them. "Eventually we'll have to voluntarily put on clothes and talk to our friends. Who also never get to see us together." Biting her lip, she stared at Lydia in the hope of a breakdown in resolve. If nothing else, they could stand to eat something that came from a kitchen that had perishables. Ramen and oatmeal lost their appeal at some point.

When too much time passed without Lydia budging at all, Allison put a hand on either side of Lydia's hips and asked, "This isn't the only place in the world."

Lydia shifted and grinned, too wide. "Who do we have to go see?"

"Come on, Lydia." Running hands up her girlfriend's sides, Allison tried to come up with a name. Any name. They had friends, she knew it.

"Come on, Allison," Lydia countered. She pressed down on Allison, resting in the cradle of her thighs. There was the sound of traffic outside the window and a shower running on the floor up. "They understand."

Of course they understand, Allison thought. They had great friends who were so supportive, even when Allison had to spend anniversaries and birthdays halfway around the world. "We have a good thing going."

With a sudden serious look, Lydia wondered, "You think so?"

"Each other, good friends, good work." Allison nodded. "Yeah, this is good." She ducked her head and pressed a kiss to the line of Lydia's collarbone. "We're good."

"We're great," Lydia corrected, though it sounded a little flat. "I love you, Allison."

Allison reached around to get rid of the bra Lydia had managed to keep through the first round of the morning. "Mhm, you, too." She moved in for a kiss.

Sighing into it, Lydia helped get her bra off and shifted onto one arm so the other was free. "You do?"

"Of course I do."

 

* * *

 

 

On Friday, Lydia brought home shrimp tacos and they ate on the couch with the television on in the background. Allison tried to remember if Lydia had been working during the day; where had Lydia been working?

The university. She must have been lecturing. "How's Scott?" Allison asked, licking sauce off of her fingers.

Lydia's head snapped up. "What?"

"How's…Scott?" Allison looked up at Lydia, taking the wrapper off of another taco. "Sorry?"

"No, I just…didn't know you remembered him."

With a scoff, Allison tossed the wrapper at Lydia. "He works with you at the university, why wouldn't I remember him? That's like you not remembering…" Allison paused to take a bite. To think of a name. She was a photographer but she worked with other people. She thought. She chewed, waved it off because her head hurt. "Sorry, what were we talking about?"

There was a pause before Lydia leaned forward and thumbed something off Allison's lip. As Lydia licked the sauce off her own thumb, Allison vaguely saw a boy with blond hair and strong features do the same.

"I don't feel well," she excused, setting her taco on the bag. "I think I'll lie down, but we should invite some people over tomorrow night."

Moving everything to the coffee table, Lydia nodded. "Of course, baby. Are you all right?"

Allison nodded and smiled. "My stomach's been weird all day. I had…I went out for breakfast and it never really settled, I think." She shook her head, then, and tried to clear it. "Do you mind?"

"Let me help you," Lydia insisted, climbing up. She grabbed one of Allison's hands. "You should get some sleep; you got up so early today."

That sounded right. Allison nodded and let Lydia lead her into the bedroom. The sheets smelled like them and she burrowed into them as Lydia pulled the socks from her feet. Something about the bed always made her feel better, safer. She and Lydia loved to spend weekend in the bed when Allison had no assignments and Lydia was at the university.

"Sorry I ruined our night," Allison noted, running her hand across her forehead. "I think the weather is getting to me."

Lydia looked worried more than annoyed, sitting on the edge of the bed and starting to rub Allison's calf. "You didn't ruin anything; it's just tacos. It's supposed to be above freezing tomorrow. We can go out for a walk, if you want?"

With a small shrug, Allison smiled up at her. "If I feel better. That sounds good." She reached for Lydia's hand and pulled it to her mouth, pressing a kiss against tight knuckles. "I'm so wiped out. I just want to close my eyes for a bit. This bed is just the thing; I think it's magic."

 

* * *

 

 

They walked through neighborhoods Allison had never seen on Saturday. Lydia seemed to know every corner of the city and Allison was a little jealous. Of course Lydia knew it better, Lydia spent more time in town with her position with the university. Allison was the one who always left, the one who spent months on end thinking about being in bed with Lydia instead of wherever her assignment was.

"I love when the snow makes everything crisp and white," Lydia offered, squeezing Allison's hand. She was wrapped up tightly in a scarf and her heaviest coat. Even being from northern California made Lydia ill-prepared for winter in the Midwest. Allison tried to remember why they had chosen this city.

It must have been the university.

"Did we move here because of the university?"

Lydia sighed, her nostrils flaring steam in the cold. "Yeah, and the magazine."

Right, the magazine. Allison had to leave in a little over a week for her next assignment. "Wait, what's my next assignment?"

"I don't remember. Some festival? We can check when we get home."

"No, I have it in my phone," Allison insisted, pulling her hand back so she could search through her pockets. "Where's my phone?"

Lydia looked concerned but uncertain, watching Allison look for her phone. Allison _just_ had it, she could swear. With a pat at the pockets on Allison's coat, Lydia asked, "Did you leave it at home? I haven't seen it since we left."

Maybe that was it. Maybe she had it at home; she must have left it on the table by the door again; she was always leaving things on the table by the door.

The temperature felt cooler, all of a sudden, and snow started to flurry down. That, at least, was good. Allison tipped her head back and stuck out her tongue, something she had done a lot as a kid and not much since. "It's snowing," she whispered.

Wrapping an arm around her middle, Lydia started to lead Allison along the sidewalk again. "It does that. It is December, after all."

Allison nodded. "You're going to love what I got you for Christmas." She turned her head, kissing the side of Lydia's head. "I wish I didn't have to leave before it came."

Smiling one of the sad smiles Allison was too familiar with, Lydia laughed a little. "I thought we weren't doing gifts."

"Is that your way of saying you didn't get me anything?"

"Hell no, of course I did." Unwrapping the arm around Allison, Lydia reached for her hand. "You're my girl."

Squeezing cold fingers in her own, Allison confirmed, "Forever."

 

* * *

 

 

The neighbor upstairs showered three times a day. When Lydia was home, Allison almost never noticed.

When Lydia was at the university, it distracted Allison to the point of climbing into bed with her headphones on and Florence blaring into both ears just so she could _think_.

Allison felt that the longer they were home together, the less time Lydia spent with her. They were on the last week of having any time together and Lydia was back at the university. Trying not to hold it against her girlfriend, Allison sank into the covers and booted up her laptop. The least she could do, vacation or no vacation, would be to update her portfolio. She had great shots from the year that were still just sitting on her hard drive and waiting to be loved.

Unless, of course, she got stumped at the password screen. She could have sworn she was right but the field continued to return her input as false. "Shit," she cursed, tossing the computer onto the other side of the bed.

She could nap, of course. Lydia always thought she should, since she was up so early every morning. Allison could admit that it gave her headaches to stay up all day but…

Her portfolio was important. She was a photographer; not having a portfolio would be like a musician not having a demo or a chef not having a signature dish. Having an out-of-date portfolio could be worse. She had things to show people. With new determination, she pulled the laptop over and tried to remember what else her password could be.

The hint was 'We met here', which gave Allison pause. Where she met Lydia? They met…

Allison knew where they met, of course. It was at a game. She thought. Maybe a football game in college? She was too tired for this; of course she met Lydia at a game. That sounded right, she was just too tired to remember.

She closed the computer again, tossing it back onto Lydia's side of the bed before she threw herself back on the pillows.

She should _definitely_ take a nap after all.

 

* * *

 

 

By the time Lydia got home, on most days when she had to go to the university, Allison was so tired they would just sit together and watch something while they ate.

If Allison napped, though, they had more time together. When Lydia got home, they grilled steaks and vegetables on the Foreman grill before going out for a walk. Allison loved when they went for walks, second only to spending all day in bed. Even when it was cold and Lydia's nose turned cherry red, there was something grounding about walking through the snowy city.

"How's the university?" Allison wondered, feeling like that was too vague, as she reached into Lydia' pocket for a hand. They needed to buy gloves but, somehow, never got around to it.

"It's good," Lydia answered, her voice soft as she squeezed Allison's hand. Swinging their hands between them a little, she went on a bit longer. "We're getting really close to a breakthrough in our research, I think."

Allison thought that was good, but then she could hardly remember what Lydia was researching. She shook her head, halting on the sidewalk. "I'm sorry, I forget. What are you researching?"

"The pathology of a few different autophagous diseases." Lydia stepped in front of Allison, getting them face-to-face. "It's okay if you don't remember, Ally A. It's boring stuff." She kissed the corner of Allison's mouth, then rested her forehead on Allison's temple. On any other day, Allison would have loved that.

She felt stupid, though, and forgetful. She felt tired, all of a sudden. She felt like she wanted to cry because she had thought that Lydia was in a physics lab, not a medical lab. "Sorry, I'm getting tired."

Lydia hid a worried look, but not fast enough that Allison missed it. "Why don't we go home? We can warm up in the shower, climb into bed. Not freeze to death."

"It's not that cold," Allison defended, but a shower and their bed sounded good. Sleeping always helped her feel better, after all.

"You're from Wisconsin," Lydia pointed out and, yeah. Allison was, but she had forgotten that. She had forgotten where she was from.

She spent the entire walk home in silence, courting a headache while trying to remember where in Wisconsin she was from. She hit a wall, the same as when she tried to remember her family, or their friends, or her password. When they were inside and unbundling, she asked, "Do you know my password? I can't remember it."

Lydia looked at her, consideration etched between her eyebrows as she unwound her scarf. "For your computer?" When Allison nodded, she shrugged. "I don't know."

"The hint is 'Where we met'."

"That's easy," Lydia offered, off handed, then hesitated. "It was at a Bears home game, so it was the California Memorial Stadium."

Allison knew it was at a game.

Long scarf ends hanging down either side of her neck, Lydia paused. "It's okay, it wasn't that memorable."

"How did I get through college with a brain like this?"

Lydia stopped altogether. "What?"

"I can't remember anything, ever." Allison looked around their apartment and it looked familiar now, but if she had been asked what picture was hanging over the sofa? While they were out? She would have had no idea it was a photograph of Sacré-Cœur that she took…she had no idea when she took it. "When did I take that picture?" she asked, throwing a hand out toward it. "I have _no idea_. I know I did, I know where it is, but when did that happen?"

"Oh." Lydia looked at it, like she was thinking. "High school, when you went to France after sophomore year."

She tried _so hard_ to remember but she had nothing. Nothing came to mind. Who did she go with? Her parents? Her aunt?

Did she have an aunt, or parents for that matter?

Lydia hung her scarf on a hook and dropped her coat on the floor in front of it before she started unfastening Allison's buttons. "It's okay, why don't we go to bed and we can talk about it in the morning? You're so tired."

"I'm not _tired_ , Lydia. Do I have parents? Why don't I know if I have parents?"

Grabbing a phone from the table beside the door, Lydia nodded. "Of course. Come on, we'll call your dad."

"I don't want to call him; I want to remember that he exists," Allison yelled, burying her hands in her hair. "Am I sick? Do I have some kind of inoperable growth in my brain? Because I never remember _anything_. Who are our friends, Lydia? Where are they? No one ever stops by, or calls."

"You want the truth," Lydia said, plain but dejected. "Can we sit down?"

Allison wanted answers more than she cared about the seating, so she walked over to the couch. "Tell me."

Lydia walked over and sat on the couch, the complete opposite end from Allison, and turned on the seat so that she was facing Allison. "This is…you won't believe me."

"Why?"

"Because you never believe me," Lydia muttered, looking away. "But, fine. When we were juniors, in high school--"

"I thought we met in college?"

Lydia hesitated before allowing, "You met me at a Bears game. Just, let me say this." She waited for Allison to agree before she took a deep breath. "During junior year, there were really bad things happening that would take a _lot_ longer to explain. But what happened in the end is that you died." She held up a hand before Allison could deny it. "You have the scar from it, on your stomach? That's from being stabbed through the middle with a sword."

"I'm not dead."

"Imagine my surprise," Lydia offered, smiling despite her sad eyes. "When you were at the Big Game. You were…we went to different schools and you didn't recognize me."

Allison thought about that, but it made her head _throb_. She could access the idea of Lydia and herself at a game together, but nothing more. "How many times have you told me this?"

Looking up at the picture of Sacré-Cœur, Lydia sighed. "This is the first time. Everything's been worse since we moved. But that's not actually weird; we moved here _because_ of the mystical properties."

"So, you knew who I was. You knew there was something wrong with me and you decided to, what, play house?"

Lydia looked back at her, eyes sharp. "No. You knew the situation and you were…it was better, in college. You never _remembered_ anything from before, but you knew everything that was going on with us. You knew everything."

Eyeing her with weariness, Allison asked, "Why should I believe you?"

"Well, I don't go to the university during the day," Lydia offered, her tone slow and careful. "You wanted to move here because there's a woman who is the preeminent authority on resurrection in the country. I've been working with her."

"That's crazy."

"I can take you to her right now if that's what you want."

Allison shook her head, standing up defiantly. "Why would I go _anywhere_ with you? If I'm so sick, why aren't my parents taking care of me instead of some--"

"You're not _sick_ , you're just…"

"When did we move here?"

Lydia cleared her throat and stood up, standing strong in the wrath of Allison's gaze. "It's been almost three weeks."

Allison burst into laughter. She was so worn, so tired, so worried. There were too many questions and she had _no idea_ which ones to ask. "Where are my parents?"

Lydia looked shocked, but nodded. "Your mom died when you were seventeen; your dad lives upstairs."

"Upstairs. My dad lives _upstairs_." She shook her head and took off for the door. "Which apartment?"

"3B." Lydia followed her but never objected. Even as they took the stairs in wet boots, she just told Allison, "We see him sometimes, but you never recognize him. Before we moved, you knew who he was and you called him dad, but you didn't remember him being your dad. It's really hard for him."

Pulling on the door, Allison shook her head at Lydia. "I can't believe you; I don't trust you and I don't want to be near you. Will I even remember this? Will I remember _any of this_?"

Lydia said she had no idea, but Allison trusted that about as far as she could throw Lydia. Instead of deeming a reply necessary, she started to knock on the door of 3B. Anything had to be better than Lydia and her lies.

The door swung open to a man with greying hair and piercing eyes. He had a full beard and after a moment of shock, he looked relieved. "Are you ladies hungry?"

The problem was, this man was supposed to be her father. Her dad was standing right in front of her and he looked like a complete stranger. She tried to weigh her choices, but she had a hard time trying to figure out which stranger was a better choice. When she glanced back at Lydia, she was looking right back. Lydia looked like she expected Allison to take the lead and Allison had no idea which way to lead. She would rather Lydia not follow her.

Looking back at the stranger with the beard, she asked, "Dad, can I stay here tonight?"

"Of course, sweetheart." He drew her in with one arm and dropped a kiss on her head before moving aside. "I just got some sheets for the second bedroom, so you're in luck." He looked at Lydia for a little too long, then, before he asked, "Will you be joining us for dinner?"

Lydia smiled but it looked too sad and too wrong. Allison tried hard not to care; Lydia was lying to her and keeping secrets. Allison owed her nothing. "No thanks, Chris. I'll just go get some of her things and bring them up."

Deflating when Lydia walked away, Allison looked around the apartment. It was similar to her own, but a bit bigger. "Sorry, which room is the second bedroom? I just want to sleep." She was _exhausted_. It hit her with a suddenness she was unsurprised by; if she had been tired before all of that, of course the aftermath would be a downer.

"Why don't you take a shower first?" the man, her dad, Chris, suggested. "It's amazing the things a hot shower can fix."

A shower sounded good. It would give her a chance to think before she went to bed. Maybe it would even keep her from lying around and thinking for hours instead of falling asleep. "Yeah, a shower sounds good."

Chris nodded and led her to one of the bedroom doors. "The bathroom is through there, there are towels and everything in there. I'll put some sheets on the bed while you're in there and it'll be ready when you're done. I'll leave your bag in here once Lydia brings it up."

"Thanks, Dad," she offered, smiling through the way her eyes wanted to droop. The man was a stranger but he looked so _something_ when she called him that.

"Anytime, sweetheart. I'll be out here, if you want to talk at all."

Allison smiled, lips tight over her teeth. "Maybe tomorrow; I'm really wiped."

"You know where I'll be, anyway," he offered before gesturing to the bathroom door, and stepping out.

She waited until she heard a knock on the door before she started the shower. Whatever Lydia and Chris had to say to one another, Allison needed to be able to trust him if only for the night.

 

* * *

 

 

Allison woke up alone. That was wrong; it was always her and Lydia in the sheets. Allison woke up so early; Lydia was never out of bed first.

The room was too dim, too, and she sat up in the bed trying to orient herself. She had stayed…

With her dad. Right. This was her dad's second bedroom.

She kicked off the blankets, shivering when her feet hit the hardwood as she climbed off of the bed.

The apartment was quiet, but that could always be deceiving. She cracked open the bedroom door to take a look around and her dad was already sitting at the table. It appeared her early riser status was genetic.

"Good morning." He looked up from the paper as he grabbed his coffee mug. There were Styrofoam boxes open on the table, a bottle of maple syrup and a plate. "Breakfast? They're not as good as Lydia's, but they do in a pinch."

She smiled a little and padded across the room. Her pyjamas bottoms dragged on the floor but she ignored it. She _was_ starving, after all. "So." She stabbed a few pancakes with a fork and dragged them to her plate. "I don't really remember you."

"I thought so." Nodding, he started to fold the paper. "We knew that could happen; you knew that could happen. But hopefully, Lydia and the mage can figure something out. She says they think they're close."

Allison needed a drink. She spotted the coffee pot, carafe half full, and climbed out of the chair. "She said yesterday that they were close to a breakthrough."

"That's what we're all hoping." He watched her as she searched for a mug and poured the coffee, eyes present on her back the entire time. "You don't trust her."

"I do. I don't know that I would in your position." He took a drink of coffee as she looked back at him. "You didn't know if you would. This was a risk we all knew before coming out here and you decided that risk was worth it."

Walking back over, Allison mulled it over. "Worth it to forget everyone who loves me?" She shook her head. "Except Lydia. Why do I remember Lydia?"

"Well." He dad shrugged, setting his mug down with intent. "She's something else, that girl. Hard to know, harder to forget. After you eat, I want to show you something." He grabbed a piece of bacon out of one of the Styrofoam boxes.

"What if I don't want to see something?"

With another shrug, her dad pulled back from the table. "It's from you; it might be worth a look."

"I gave myself something?"

"Finish your breakfast," he ordered, instead of commenting on it.

Allison did, and she ate a lot. She felt starving. Every bite ebbed at the gnawing hunger until she finally felt like she had enough.

Her dad sat in the living room the entire time, poking at a laptop and sighing on occasion. When she walked in, he told her, "I left an old friend of yours in charge of my company. He's a smart kid, doing some smart stuff."

"Sorry."

He looked up, then. "For what?"

"That you had to leave your company. What does it do?"

Smiling, Chris looked back down at the screen. "We deal in firearms and security. We have a small manufacturing presence, but we're primarily a dealer."

Allison drank that in. "So, guns and body armor?"

"Among other things." Patting the couch beside him, he started doing something on the laptop again. "This old friend of yours, Isaac, he managed to bring revenue up higher than it was even before your mother passed. I know you don't have a point of reference for that, but the company took a few big hits around that time and has been in a steady but slow incline since. Leave the kid in charge and we've started seeing revenue increases that haven't happened since the early 2000s."

Allison nodded as she settled into the spot on the couch. "Well then, you're welcome."

He smiled at her, shaking his head with a small chuckle. After a moment, he looked more serious and far more tired. He said, "You need to see this," as he passed her the laptop.

There was a video pulled up on the screen, waiting to be started.

"You thought you might be skeptical of a letter, but it's hard to argue with a video of yourself."

Her face was on the screen, a triangle on its side plastered right over her face. Of all the things she might hesitate on, this would need to fall low on the list by necessity if nothing else. Still, she paused over the cursor before she made herself push the button.

The video started off with her fidgeting before a voice said, "We're going."

"Right, thanks." The Allison on screen cleared her throat before she looked straight into the camera. "Hey, me. I know there's a chance that the move is going to change me, us. It's weird to think about, because most things about my life are. I thought I was a normal college junior and then…Lydia happened. I hope you know who Lydia is. She's…" One the screen, Allison pressed her lips together in thought before she laughed a little. "I think she's the love of my life. She found me and until she did, I didn't realize a lot of things. I thought I was normal but I didn't have memories. I never thought about how…I don't remember growing up.

"I have no idea how I ended up there. I'm not entirely sure I existed before the moment Lydia saw me, which sounds romantic and fantastical but I'm just…I don't know." Pushing back her hair, Allison sighed through the speakers. "She has power, I just don't know how much. I don't think she does, either.

"But I don't remember anything from before. I have seventeen years of life that I don't remember before I woke up at a football game when I was twenty-two."

The Allison on the computer screen went on about what they had been doing since Lydia found her, what they had tried and where they had gone.

It was a long video, without a detail left out. Allison was thorough, as in everything else.

"You probably feel betrayed, if Dad is showing you this. Which means you got worse than Lydia thought I would. Which isn't good, but maybe it's not bad. Lydia is going to fix you; she'll never stop. And you need to trust her. Because I need to know everything about myself and it's a risk, maybe one of the biggest risks I've ever taken. And I'm afraid; I hate being afraid.

"Knowing who I am, the person I was and where I come from, is worth being afraid, though. If nothing else, I need to know that my fear never stopped me. So, you need to trust her, and believe in her."

After a long pause, Allison shrugged. "And I don't know if it means anything to you, but I love her."

A moment later, the video reset to just her face with the 'Play' sign over it.

At some point, her dad had left the living room but Allison had been too engrossed in the video to notice. Either way, she was thankful for it. She needed a minute, at minimum, to process.

She needed to decide how much she could trust herself.

 

* * *

 

 

It felt weird to knock but she felt weird about walking in. It was her apartment, but the hominess had fractured.

She held her closed fist close to the door for too long before she sighed and dropped it to the door handle. The door made a small squeak as it opened, just like every time, and Lydia popped into the living room at once. "You came back." She looked relieved. "You remembered where to go back to."

"I hear the sheets are enchanted."

"They are, yes." Lydia nodded, wringing her hands. It felt so wrong to see Lydia so uncertain. "It's a halfway measure; we're still working out the kinks."

Allison nodded back and stepped in, letting the door latch closed behind her. "I'm only back on conditions." After a moment of Lydia waiting, she started. "I want to know what you're doing. No more lying. I want to know who my dad is, not have him hiding away upstairs. I want to know who you're working with, and when. I want to know about my past.

"And you're never going to suggest I go to bed instead of dealing with the problem ever again."

Lydia mulled that over for a moment before she gave a slight nod. "I can agree to those terms."

They stood there for too long, each waiting for something to _happen_ or change. When everything remained the same, Allison grabbed Lydia's scarf off the peg. "We're going for a walk," she said, looping the scarf around Lydia's neck. "I want a hazelnut latte, and to know what I did in college."

"Mostly me," Lydia muttered, grabbing her coat. Clearing her throat, she grabbed her coat instead of reacting to Allison's scandalized look. "What convinced you to come back?"

"I gave myself a good talk," she said. Her boots were in the cubby backwards and she had to put them right before she shoved her feet in. "If I can't trust myself, who can I?"

Pulling the door back open, Lydia stepped aside so Allison could leave the apartment first. "I want back on that list, and I'm prepared to earn it."

Grabbing Lydia's hand, Allison nodded. "We can work on that."

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there, thank you so much for reading! For my own reasons, I'm no longer in Teen Wolf fandom and so I neither read nor write TW fic anymore. If you want more, I have a few left on this account and I welcome you to check them out (psst, it's all femslash).
> 
> If you want to find out what I'm up to these days, [my Tumblr](http://matrya.tumblr.com/) is generally more up-to-date.


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